Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Australia lost the Ashes last time around, and that the Poms are heading our way this summer and we’ll be doing our best to reclaim what we consider (almost) our property.
This post is just to let people know that I’ll be putting Ashes related posts up on Catallaxy from time to time, sometimes by me, sometimes by other people. With any sort of luck there should be a couple of exclusive pieces along the way from leading Australian cricket writers. I’ll also be putting up cricket links. This week I’ll start with Cricinfo’s Ashes page. Cricinfo represents a great example of the global influence of the Indian diaspora. Originally hosted in the US and (largely) set up by cricket-starved Indians living there, it grew and grew until it was bought out by Wisden, cricket’s biggest publisher. Wisden was founded in 1864, and is the longest running sports annual in history.
The site has had its critics, even copping the moniker ‘cruddyinfo’ on several cricket-based discussion forums a few years ago. This was in response to the tendency for statistics to load very slowly for any game where India was involved. Cricinfo has moved on since then, and is a good source of commentary, particularly from the subcontinent. Jason’s argumentative Indians certainly prove themselves worthy of the name, especially when it comes to their country’s national passion.
With that in mind, I’d like to open Catallaxy’s first Ashes post with that great sporting standby: the selector game. The first test is in Brisbane, starting November 23. What combination of players is most likely to see the Ashes return ‘home’?
200 Comments
If recent form is any guide, Selection for the Ashes will be even more of a balls-up than it was last time.
I’m tipping Mark Cosgrove and Shane Watson to open the batting, Justin Langer to take the gloves and Matthew Hayden to open the bowling downwind.
As long as the half-wit doesn’t say ‘we’ll have a bowl’ while they’re still carrying off the injured opening bowler. Or take the light when there are games to be won.
Apparently Matty Hayden has just copped a dose of dog bite - he was out jogging near his parents’ place in Kingaroy when it happened.
And yair, one would hope that Punter has learnt how to, umm, adapt his strategy to the circumstances.
Should we perhaps have created a more generic “sport” tag, rather than cricket? I’ve been known to post here on the netball from time to time.
I’ll do that, Heath.
Mind you the categories don’t seem to be working properly just yet, and I’m the only one using them.
Done, but still don’t know how to move all the ‘uncategorized’ posts into ‘General’.
The side is probably close to set with most players rusted into their spots, Interesting to see if Jason Gillespie gets another run. Although Michael Clarke is young etc his form in England was horrible. On “Offsiders” yesterday there was the suggestion made that Watson should bat at 6 or 7 as a specialist batsman and making an opening for McGill….however, McGill might be in trouble for an incident in a club game. Two spinners on the “Gabba” is not a bad idea. Warne has always played well at Brisbane.
well it can’t be as good as the last one but I am apprehensive we will have ’spinning’ pitches here instead of rock hard bouncy pitches we usually have.
Of course when the poms do that they cheat.
If it happens here as it has regularly we merely blame the groundsman.
The single best example of the last ashes series was Freddy congratulating Brett Lee.
As the coach of young boys playing the great game can I merely say.
Australia lift your game.
I get sick of telling my boys the way Australia plays cricket is wrong and shows a poor attitude.
A lot of people don’t like the carry-on that a lot of sides have gotten into of late. I also suspect Australia started it and other sides are now following suit.
Only last week the head of the PCB got up his players for overdoing religion in the team, Gayle and Clarke had a set-to and then there was the whole forfeit fiasco in the UK. I actually want Gideon to write about this as he has some very interesting insight into the issue. Watch this space!
And personally I prefer bouncy pitches - and so, I think, does Shane Warne. He gets more from the bounce than most spinners.
Arthur Morris and Sid Barnes to open the batting and hide Homer Paxton deep at deep (very) third man, humming the Harry Lime Theme in the sewers.
that is actually the most ironic point.
All bowlers like bouncy pitches because that is what gets wickets.
Batsmen like bouncy wickets also because it hives one confidence in shot-making.
Speaking of bouncy pitches, a look at scores out of the WACA will tell you that the old days of it being a fast, bouncy track are well and truly over. It’s a road now. WA scored 3 for 600 last week, and now Tasmania are having a fun time batting on it.
sack the curator.
bowlers do notl ike it nor do fans.
They want to see a contest not a bore
Warne and MacGill will both bowl well on any pitch. Not picking MacGill in England was just one of a series of selection blunders that cost us the ashes.
Done, but still don’t know how to move all the ‘uncategorized’ posts into ‘General’.
You could reclassify the few posts in “general” as “uncategorised” and then rename the category “general” and leave it as the default.
this is all Greek to me except for Zoe’s comment.
Sport is a zero sum game. If someone wins someone else still loses and will leave with ashes in their mouth.
There. I’ve made a pun on this subject at least.
Yeah, I’m right on point as usual ; )
Cricket is Zen for Anglos…
what about saying the Ashes will be the death of you Jase?
If you want to “urn” more respect you will have to come up with a better pun.
I can’t I am stumped.
Perhaps it is my silly leg which is a bumper edition
I am bowled over by your punning.
You have Warned me out.
Can’t say I’m bowled over by that effort, Homer.
Doh!
Caught out!
Jason you have taken Warney out of conTEXT.
I am stumped by your comments FDB.Are you out on bails?
Pull the other one.
I’ve got you on the back foot now, however you try and spin it.
Something about a block quote.
Okay we have now started a cricket punning competion, Homer you are contagious!
MacGill has apparently stuffed his chances for the first test by getting into some dust-up in a club game. Does anyone know the details? And c8to, can you follow Zoe’s advice on renaming the categories? I think I know what she means but am terrified that I will stuff something up - and Catallaxy has had enough of that lately.
by hook or crook I will pull your argument apart by sweeping aside your putrid arguments
If you ask for a pun about blocking people will “boycott” this thread.
Clash with an umpire
http://www.abc.net.au/sport/content/200610/s1770697.htm
Must have been pretty serious to cop a ban like that. I remember when Lillee got into strife for asking the umpire when he was going to buy some new glasses. Things have moved on since then.
Poor Stuart. He suffers from what I call the Tim Zoerer syndrome (no, not fucking the chairman of selector’s daughter, though that didn’t help I’m sure). He’s a bit of a prick, and feels wrongly or rightly a sense of entitlement. Not sportsmanlike enough for a stiff-upper-lip game like cricket.
Though perhaps that sort of upstanding politeness is becoming a bit of an Inverarity.
if he has showed disrespect towards the umpire then give him a season and wake up all theses people
He probably feels like a Lillee on a dustbin
Homer, now you’ve got .50cal doing it.
But yes, there has been a noticeable decline in manners of late. Although I still say it’s not just Australia.
damned hard to coach young kiddies the spirit of cricket ( it is how you play the game not whether you win or not etc) when the Australian team does the complete opposite of what you are saying.
He has gatting it. what a gooch. I have hadlee too much of this.
Sledging is a part of cricket….the better part of cricket
You can’t Marsh to the beat of a different drum.
you have to go and confess in the chappell
Only in the Chappell of Love
(Martin)
.50cal, are you related to Homer by any chance?
Just askin.
hey that was an underarmed comment or was it a slip?
Gully gee wizz how do you top an underarm pun?
get a third man?
Hell why not a 12th man?
He is trying to bowl a maiden over
do you have a handicap, Homer?
I didn’t get any of these “jokes”, so I had to googly them.
That one took the inside edge
good gully miss molly I missed that
Why don’t we give the flipper to the gully puns, they’ve warned out their welcome.
the chinaman has them the wicket man
you’ll lose your wicket to a mankad if you step over the line like that again.
you do that and I will Sikh you out you bedi cheat
Ok…. I’ll shoulder arms to that delivery.
you are just trying to constantine me but I don’t want a worrell in this weekes
Doosra-ight thing and give me one pun at a time!
I hadlee over the bareel with my crowe bar
If you HAD-Bret-LEE over a barrell I hope you’ve never watched “Deliverance”
I’m Border this.
Hughes can knock yourselves out.
It’s no use Ponting the finger at me he started it,
You hussey, I have a mallet I have jennered just for you
York,York, York…..that Jenner pun was a wrong’un
Good to see Langer get amongst it against the Tasmaniacs, although the WACA is road
I will blow my own trumper please/
WACA is a disgrace. A slow batsman paradise is the sign of a groundsman that should be sacked.
The test will be a draw
They can’t produce a featherbed like that for the test but it will do Langer no end of good to spend such a long time in the middle.
As for the Trumper pun….it’s a dis-Grace.
why do you spofforth. I have noble aims as my Armisstrong you mailey dog
Call me a dog will you!! I’ll kick your buttocks…both’em.
I double dog dare you to get a pun out of “Duckworth/Lewis”.
It would only take one-day
Daniel that’s worth a duck….it’s raining puns.
I was being lewis with the truth because I do not know what a duckisworth
Slow Clap “Well played sir”, no duck for that ‘Itz rasing arkross the outfeeld loike a tracer boolet…Bull”
I have rung up david’s son to bring over the Lawry with is grout to deal with you I’m tallon you
you two are batty …
Jason no four play is allowed
Willow-nly stop when we’re run out
As I slipped under the covers last night (noting a couple of fine legs beside me) I thought of this thread, and whether it would ever run out of material. Seams like everyone’s still in stitches, so I thought I’d pad it out a little more. Wouldn’t want to get boxed in.
I do nothing wilowingly.
I havr to have luncj now. I am opening a can of jardines a hobbsian choice if ever there was one.
I might have to jonty up the rhodes and throw a joslin in Eastwood to hit a booth.
Homer
Your puns make me want to chuck.
Also, I’m looking forward to the cricket. We will win, although I fear this talk of a dead WACA track is right on the money. Short of completely changing their grounds staff (or flying in a piece of Merri Creek magic) I can’t see how they’ll fix it.
Starting with a draw would be a shame - so much better playing tit-for-tat.
is that why people say you have no-balls
First test is at the Gabba where if it rains (as so often it does in November in Brisbane) we might get a draw….other than that I cannot believe the WACA staff will prepare a featherbed.
As for being under the covers with a souple of fine legs I hope there was no slip and no extras.
no unless there is a long on as I pointed out before.
no sheehan around now.
I ‘m having lunch now since I’ve had a woodfull of this
No slip nor extras, thankfully .50cal
An Alderman Wood have had a heart attack. Sobers you up, a sight like that.
Don’t make a Hogg out of yourself.
you are putting a rod on your own back so I will boycott you.
Nope, it’s never going to run out of material at this rate FDB. Mind you people might have to start international name punning - we’ll start running out of Aussies soon.
And yes, a flat WACA doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.
only a wacca could like the pitch in perth
Has it been doctored?
No it is dead
Could be a good place to bring Kaspa back to life.
you don’t have a ghost of a chance. stop Gilesing me
We’re in the nervous ninties don’t let any go though to the keeper, Yoour in like flint and off like old cheese today!
By godfrey you are on the stackpole for success.
Perhaps the red path to glory
not using mcKenzies menthoids
I’m going to get French cutlets for tea tonight in honour of this dashing century.
Singh for your supper.
you have been drinking too many cairns.
Getting little tubby, too.
I know two people who have been into ham most of today. But if we get the reverse swing going it will be roast Lamb for dinner!
A considerable Boon to the local ale-houses, I fear. Taylor-made wardrobe soon required.
A Taylor made pun.
is he an early opener?
he always arriver slater
You know, this is actually pretty clever. The only problem is that Gideon’s reading it right now and he probably thinks we’re all off in la-la land.
And who pray tell is Gideon when he’s not dropping bibles in hotel rooms? and what’s it to him?
cmon,
She isn’t serious she is only gideon you. That will tate you
Don’t hold back…tell me Watson ya mind brother?
that made me grimmet.
You’ve been Bracken your neck to get that one in.
Come on punnsters, when are we going to see some more Indian and Pakistani names?
Get Pataudi out of here. I wil try to engineer something but lots of lal
“Indian and Pakistani names?”
After creasing my brow to think of the correct delivery, I’d say there’s a whole Sehwag of openings there, SL.
too many subs on the contintent!
Now that has me in a spin
That’s Srinath for now.
You write I imran
Truly classic, fellas, esp FDB’s comment 112.
I can’t zaheer you at all. I think we need abbas in the choir though. Masood as possible
Homer
As Birdy would say, stop being such a Fahim Khan
Jason: woot!
we take offence at that.Miandad
It may be a Mushtaq to continue this - the Gayles of laughter having just about run out - so at risk of being an Astle I’ll just suggest this should go on Onlonga.
This is classic, utterly classic (Gideon please quote or at least stick a link up on Cricinfo).
Bloody funny as.
you daPisa me off. such a precious patel. I will look in my bag of Majid tricks without a dermere a tayinthe field tonight
I Khan’t think why Butt the puns are Gatting worse.
I think you guys might finally be running out of steam…
SL you are in a bad Mahmoud.
This has been a Rorker since I am a freeman even though I have a tich from the mossies last night
I think we should let SL’s loolipop murili slide past for a few byes her stock ball is pretty pedestrian.
then it would end up in the parks. she is cunis so there is no snedded around this she needs a new corling
I can’t believe you are being so critical of SL…..I thought you were Cosier than that.
you are turnering on me. don’t try and Joslin me you Wadakar
Floundering. We need someone to Bacchus up. My Willis flagging. Some other Chappel have to step up.
Hughes all fill me with Merv
by Hill you clem has no basis. You hordern it all your self. you must have hit the Wall.
lucky it was made out of larwood or you would look voce.
you must have been a little tibby.
Alright, I’m out.
Caught behind the 8 ball.
Over.
FDB Don’t walk …..it was a no ball and as everyone knows “Aussies only walk when they run out of petrol”
Unlike SL FDB is no darling. wood you say so?
jeff in case I made a mosstake I will alow you to sleep over at my higgs but watch out for the snow I’m broad and going to philpott so do not walsh out on the dilip or no more Joshi from me.
If we were paying you you would get Hafeez for those lousy puns. It’s a bit Ritchie asking me if FDB is a Darling…..
For a more polished soiree, swing round to my pad.
Moody lighting, funky tunes… I could even marshall a vaas of flowers.
Wait, looks like I’ve hit another winning streak!
that’s a heineous statement. right at the tayfield of the conversation.
If it is good and proctor to marshall FDB then it is too edrich to stomach.
be a trueman and don’t walsh on your promises.
Sorry I cannot zaheer you
“For a more polished soiree, swing round to my pad.
Moody lighting, funky tunes… I could even marshall a vaas of flowers.”
Naahh what’s needed is a Keith Milleresque lunch…a platefull of oysters followed by a huge steak and drowned with a bucket or two of red!! Back after tea for the final session.
Good Lloyd that was some lunch….ahhhh I’ll just wander down to deep third man and try to be inconspicious.
Like Thommo at a tour match in Kingston in 197(?), when he was seen to indulge in a draught of rum with some locals whilst fielding in the outer.
Was there a spliff too, or am I projecting hateful stereotypes?
you have hit the lindwall. you chant like gregory and tell apaulsen jokes
We don’t smoke marijuana in Muskogee;
We don’t take our trips on LSD
We don’t burn our draft cards down on Main Street;
We like livin’ right, and bein’ free.
I’m proud to be an Okie from Muskogee,
A place where even squares can have a ball
We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
And white lightnin’s still the biggest thrill of all
that has me in tangles.
You’re maxing the puns now.
I am very dexterous
are playing by different rauls
The Australians will have to Bracewell for their semi final against the Kiwis in the champions trophy. The Blackcaps (or should that be blackheads?) are Bond to lift for any trans-tasman clash.
its a shane you made that statement as it is not wright. you need to have some edgars for breakfast.
perhaps you need to drink a redmond
Astle enjoy watching Australia beat the blackheads.
don’t start your croweing here.
you will have to turner the corner before we howarth to take you collinge because you didn’t wear a congdon
Shuresh I respond you’ll Raina avalanche of bad puns on me.
you are lairding me on because I am an alderman to you.
you neeed to do the hard yardleys instead of dyson around with me.
Whatmore can I do?
that went ceylon past me
Don’t get Moody on me.
I am off to hohns my skills.
I can’t favell your statements. they are too bland
Eddie Gilbert
actually two admistrators in Oz are Gilbert and sutherland.
I played cricket with Dave!!
In my opinion Eddie Gilbert was the greatest player to not play for Australia. Doubtless his colour played more than it’s part. Some things in cricket just aren’t funny. He could have been the Australian Jesse Owens…..but it wasn’t to be. He would have given Jardine something to think about.. Eddie died in a lunatic assylum.
Dave Gilbert was a very handy cricketer. What grade did you play….or is this a school yarn?
Eddie through the ball.
I played with dave in Shires when he was a 16 yrold.
I predicted he would play for Australioan.
Another gangly kid around there was Gavin robertson
I have read allegations that Eddie Gilbert was a “chucker”, I don’t know… I have never seen film of him bowling to make a judgement. My understanding is that he came in off a short run and had a very fast slinging action. It would have been difficult to ascertain if he was throwing or not. Really quick bowlers will often be accused of throwing eg brett Lee and Shoab Aktar. The problem with the throwing rule is that every bowler bends the arm somewhere during the delivery. The only point where the arm has to be rigid is at the point of delivery. It is just one of those quirks of the game.
Gavin Robertson was a good cricketer in his time.
It’s a shitty time of year…all the anticipation of the test series and nothing but