The psychopath I was talking about in the post above is exactly the one you are thinking of. Who knows what her problem was? Her (adoptive) parents seemed supportive and pleasant. My feeling was that it was a case of evil nature triumphing over good nurture, but who knows what happens in the secret lives of people?

I also remember the time you fought that girl. Quite different to a fight with a boy, yes. Scratching, pinching, biting - that’s just the way girls fight, I think! We don’t have the physical strength to compete so have to use other means to unsettle our opponent.

LE

Bullying is a fact of life to some extent. I figure as a parent your first response is to ensure that they have a safe space to come home to, and to encourage them to talk about it, don’t just wait for them to come to you, because they won’t. We tell our little one to say loudly “No, don’t hit me, Robbie!”, which I gather she does now. It seems to have helped, because she feels stronger and it alerts the carers to what’s going on. Nevertheless, we’re pulling her out of child care with some relief soon.

Bullying behaviour is very difficult to identify, because it’s insidious and humiliating (a bit like sexual abuse). The strategies that seem to work are twofold: one, you really involve children in creating clear expectations that bullying is not on, in whatever form, and really spell it out as to what is unacceptable (text messages, notes on the back, etc), and give other kids ways of dealing with it to support the victim. Two, you have to talk to the parents and carefully work out whether this child is playing out events in home life or if they’re just on a power trip.

I was bullied and I was a bully. Around the time that my home life was becoming increasingly abusive, I started giving a fat girl at school a really hard time, and soon after she left the school. I still feel terribly guilty about it. A few years later another girl at school was really horrible to me a couple of years later - stickers on the back, playing tricks on me, telling me lies about friends. It took me years to get over it, which adds to my grief about the poor girl I gave a hard time to.

At least there were no bashings involved, but the damage was done.

Skepticlawyer, unfortunately I think your sensei was right. Sometimes people need a real shock to stop what they are doing.

I copped a spadeful when attending a middle-class school but coming from a working-class area. Sad to say, a whack in the gob proved most effective, or something equally dramatic (like Patrick’s syrup, or your crayons).

Years later, a karate sensei for whom I have the greatest respect pointed out that ’some people only understand the law of the fist’. Unfortunately, he’s right.

http://drphil.com/shows/show/115/

was damn good.

If everyone is involved, then the rest who are not being bullied at that point in time can stand up for the victim. It does work.

Yes, the bully needs help too.

Yes, kids need to learn strategies to deal with it - funny how we don’t teach them though.

I used my smart arse mouth to avoid being bullied physically. Thankfully was never bashed!

My niece has changed schools due to bullying - her body is a bit like the little girl in Little Miss Sunshine - bit barrel chested - but she also has a parent like attitude due to the way she has been involved in her parents life - sad to see her go through this stage of her life.

re the case - this kid was bashed 3 times despite the school knowing about his problems - sorry, but they need to pay to force some changes.

It’s true that we are all bullied and we are all bullies at different times, in one way or another. I definitely did some things at school that I am ashamed of. Everyone does. And it’s perfectly possible that I hurt someone at school, and I have no idea that I did.

I like your teasing anecdote. Serves those kids right. Hope they learned their lesson.

Maybe teasing and learning to deal with teasing is also part of learning boundaries and learning what kind of conduct is acceptable. It’s just very important that it doesn’t get out of hand.

The other thing to recognise is that sometimes it is good to be pushed to do things you don’t want to do. I have a friend who made me get out and mix with people when I was very shy at the beginning of university. I’m really glad that she did. I guess that’s a “positive” form of “bullying”.

LE

In my opinion, every child is bullied and a bully, though the scale can tip heavily one way or the other.

I was bullied a lot at school (Dad was a teacher at said school, recipe for disaster, really). But I look back at some of my actions, and cringe, as well.

I think a major problem is an administrative apathy. Bullying is far too hard for teachers to deal with in a classroom context most of the time - and out of it (lunch hour, say) a near impossibility.

Administration frequently doesn’t have an interest in actually helping the teachers - their number one priority is keeping the kids till the end of grade ten. The only thing that provokes action is a serious incident, or other parent’s complaints about class time interruptions.

I think a more formal conflict resolution structure could help alleviate _some_ (never all) of these problems. Perhaps a community conferencing angle or something, I don’t know; I’m not an expert.

I would say that I think this problem runs deeper, in that carers of all stripes (myself included) tend to accept or even encourage bullying if it is packaged the right way, with the right intensity, or conforming to our own prejudices.

Funny bullying anecdote: I took revenge on the droogs who picked on me in early high school by poisoning their coke with ipecac syrup and making them convulsively vomit on the bus for about half an hour. I told everyone I did it, and the school admin couldn’t do anything to me - not even a detention - because I had spoken to them four times specifically about the levels of harrassment on that bus, and they never did a thing. Best thing I did in high school by a country mile.

I am afraid that cracking it and attacking the bully can sometimes be the best option in a school context. Usually bullies are terrible cowards.

I had a similar experience - some girls were throwing crayons at me in Art class. They’d been bugging me all year. I just couldn’t stand it any longer, lost my temper and emptied the whole bucket of crayons down the front of the dress of the worst offender. Then I sat down and continued with my drawing as if nothing happened. I think it really shocked them, because I had always been such a quiet shy person. They never did it again.

LE