Sorry about the bagpipes. They’re supposed to be for winding up the enemy y’know.

Now Jason’s pointed out the Scottish Progressives I’ll be wandering down to their offices to have a look at some point this week.

I’m pretty sure there’s a couple on the local council, and I suspect they’ll form a coalition with the SNP - a lot of their policies can’t be implemented without independence from England. The Brits really don’t grasp the concept of federalism, let alone competitive federalism.

Seems apt considering some of the stoushes:

Imagine that my physiology was constituted so that, for some reason, my farts smelled so sweet that people would pay to have the chance to inhale them. …. Well, so what? I am producing value out of thin (or perhaps thick) air, but the fact remains that other people do value my gaseous emissions, and are willing to pay to enjoy them.

I talked the global head to allow us to go down to Florida at the height of summer. They were reluctant to do that, as they wanted it to be closer to the office. The Florida deal meant we had to close down trading and the London office would take care of things during NY day with the help of the assistants. The juniors were really pissed we were leaving them behind, so I felt sorry for them and arranged they would fly out on the Friday afternoon as we left Thursday.

I had all talk prepared and off we went to the Boca Raton beach club. We get there in the afternoon and it turns into a drinking orgy of grand proportions that night. The following morning I get up go to the banquet room and absolutely no one is there. So I start to panic call people, they’re not in their rooms or still sound drunk and refuse to get up.

So I go to have breakfast and there’s bunch of guys talking about the days planned activities. Nothing related to the meeting. So I couldn’t be angrier and I start cursing them, threatening them that if they didn’t turn up to the meeting room I would put it in their performance review.

Then one guy turned to me and said with a straight face. Hey J, just have it here, talk to us while we’re finishing up breakfast as we’ve arranged several jet skis and we need to get going. 15-20 people began to laugh their heads off and it was over.

The rest of the long weekend was spent bar hopping, sailing, lying on the beach staring at great bodies.

It was the best conference I have ever had.

We all lied when we got back saying how fruitful the conference was.

It couldn’t have been better. Too funny for words.

WTF? Are members of the Tonedeaf society reading this blog?

It’s something that had to happen - just like the development of the piano, originally an experiment by a series of eccentric European inventors - eventually led to the piano concerto.

What next? Microsoft Office: The Musical?