I thought that there was nothing I hated more than being put on hold for ages when trying to call a service provider.
Now I have worked out that there is something I hate more. It’s a new phenomenon – a computer voice that asks you questions about what you want and tries to answer your questions. “It sounds like you want customer services,” says the fruity disembodied voice. “Is that right? Say Yes or No.”
I really don’t like interacting with an automaton. It channels me into avenues where I didn’t want to go. As I’ve said before on this blog, I’m terrible at filling out forms, because usually the answer I want to make is not available in the multiple choice options. (Actually I had a nightmare the other night about endless forms which asked stupid ambiguous questions and didn’t offer the options I wanted).
When the disembodied voice channels me into the wrong area, it makes me panic – but shouting “I don’t want that” doesn’t really help. Usually the kind of question I have can’t be answered by Yes or No. That’s exactly why I’m ringing – because I need to talk to a real person and explain my problem.
It’s obviously a measure to get around the horrible call centre queue (“Your call is important to us. Please hold the line and someone will be with you shortly…” over and over for 30 minutes). The other measure is to outsource call centres to a country where labour is cheaper, but that hasn’t gone down too well either, because the person to whom you speak may not understand Australian circumstances and geography, or, worse, may not have sufficient English language skills to understand what you are trying to say.
Message to service providers – if you really thought my call was important to you, you wouldn’t make me interact with an automaton.
14 Comments
Thanks to recent improvements, your blog commentators have all been replaced by robots!
Your blog post *is* important to us. Would you like to speak to a commentator? Answer yes or no after the beep.
*Beep*
Okay, I didn’t hear that. I’ll assume you want to speak to a commentator? Yes or no.
*Beep*
Stay online and we’ll have someone available to speak to you shortly.
etc, etc.
Ahem. Sorry about that. It is an infuriating thing, I admit that.
Pro tip: speak gibberish. Most IVRs will eventually give up and punt you to a human if they can’t understand you.
Seriously though, it could be worse. The NT News classifieds department has hold music calculated to drive people murderously insane. I should know: I answered the phones while I was there.
Call on a Friday afternoon sometime — 08 8944 9900 — and you’ll hear what I’m talking about.
JC, I did consider speaking Japanese to it. I should have tried, from what you say.
Yes, horrible hold music is an invention of the devil. Do I dare call that number…?
This is why I often give in and co-operate (or so they think) with whatever tele-researchers still make it through the Do Not Call Register net — I enjoy confusing real people by quibbling about the wording of the questions, going off on tangents, etc. It’s cruel, but it lets me feel I’m finally getting my own back.
I just keep saying “no no no no no no..” until get transferred to a human. Same result as the gibberish presumably. I’m told that pressing 0 will usually get you to a human too, but I haven’t checked that out.
I hate when you have a complicated, multi-part issue to deal with, and EVEN WHEN YOU GET TO A REAL PERSON they cannot handle the whole thing!!
Case in point – Telstra – called to – pay mobile bill, pay landline bill, disconnect landline as I was moving house.
Took 40 minutes, and speaking to the machine three times, and speaking to five different people. It SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD!!!
Oh MsLaurie, I totally sympathise…last time we moved house it was a nightmare…and after all that they didn’t do it properly anyway!
With Telstra it doesn’t help if you get a human because they don’t understand your question either.
Customer service is a good idea. One day a major phone company will implement it. Optus did briefly when it was first launched but alas serving customers proved way too complicated.
I don’t think a single month has gone by in the last three years where I wasn’t stuck on the phone complaining to a phone company about their ineptitude. Man they are stupid organisations. Even their own people seem to think so.
Unfortunately competition doesn’t seem to have made the telcos more efficient. They’re all equally inefficient, so there’s no real market choice.
It is still better than standing in line at the post office.
That reminds me.
A woman I know was very upset about turning 50. She resolved to put some extra effort into her looks, wondering how much difference it would make to her appearance. After a trip to the hairdresser, beautician, fashion outlet, and shoe shop, she popped into Woollies. At the checkout, she casually asked the girl how old she thought she was. After a closer look, the girl said “Oh, about 30”. “Thank you so much, you know I’m really 50”
Next stop the drycleaner. Picking up the receipt, she asked “How old would you say I am”. “About 30” “Thank you young man, I actually 50”.
After a long wait at the Post Office, she just had to ask one more time, “How old would you say I am?” Oh, about 30” came the reply. “Well I’m 50 you know”.
Sitting at the bus stop outside, she couldn’t help but ask the man next to her “Excuse me, but how old do you think I am?” “Well”, he said, “my eyes are not too good, so to be really able to say, I’d have to feel your breasts”. A bit taken aback, she agreed. After some considerable fondling, she said “Enough, now how old do you think I am?”. “About 50”. Really she cried, and what makes you say that.
“I was behind you in the line at the Post Office.”
Thanks to recent improvements, your blog commentators have all been replaced by robots!
Currency Lad did that. No-one noticed.
Legal Eagle – it is possible that they are both efficient as well as offering bad customer service.
True, true – indeed, sometimes it might be arguably efficient to skimp on customer serv ice. Never a good plan in the long run though…