Category Archives: Funnies

liberal (small L)

A Liberal Party candidate proposed a radical new policing system in which criminal suspects would be injected with satellite-trackable microchips shot from a ”high powered sniper rifle”. Ray King, who is contesting the western Sydney electorate of McMahon, was behind the idea, which he claimed would improve productivity of the NSW Police Force. Mr King, […]

I Found My Thrill

PRIME Minister Kevin Rudd and Opposition Leader Tony Abbott will face-off in the third election debate in western Sydney tonight. The people’s forum hosted by Sky News will be held at the Rooty Hill RSL from 6.30pm. The night will follow a similar format to last week’s debate in Brisbane where the two took questions […]

No Banker Left Behind

A US bank chairman has pleaded guilty to using bailout money given to rescue his firm to buy himself a luxury home. Darryl Woods used $381,000 (£245,000) of the $1m given to his Mainstreet Bank to buy the Florida waterfront property. Following the US housing collapse and financial crash, Mainstreet needed to be propped up […]

Slipshod Soviets

Russian police seized a painting of Vladimir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev in women’s underwear from a gallery in St Petersburg, saying the satirical display had broken unspecified laws. The officers also removed a picture of the head of the Russian Orthodox church, his torso covered in tattoos, and two others poking fun at MPs who […]

The Turd Umpire

Michael Clarke was involved in a physical confrontation with umpire Aleem Dar and England will press the International Cricket Council to change its rules over bad light as the Ashes series ended in boos and recriminations at the Oval. Clarke revealed he told Dar not to touch him after the official appeared to push him […]

Miranda Rights

No 10 was “kept abreast” of the decision to detain David Miranda, the partner of Guardian journalist Glenn Greenwald, a spokesman has said. Mr Miranda was held at Heathrow for nine hours on Sunday, while in transit from Germany to Brazil. He has launched a legal challenge over the police’s use of anti-terror laws to […]

Boarder Guards

Spanish fishermen have sailed into disputed waters off Gibraltar to protest about a reef put there by the British territory’s government. The fishermen say the reef restricts their right to fish, but Gibraltar says they should not be fishing there. Gibraltar police said the protest, which lasted an hour and passed off without incident, ended […]

Copa Havana

Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro has said that he decided to step down and transfer power to his younger brother, Raul, because he was diagnosed with a fatal illness in 2006. In an article published to mark his 87th birthday, Fidel Castro said he didn’t expect to survive the stomach ailment and live for so […]

Pacu Man

Experts have warned Swedish men to keep their swimming trunks on if taking a dip in a sound off the country’s southern coast, after a South American fish known for attacking testicles was discovered in the area. The alert came after a fisherman in the Oresund Sound last week retrieved a 21 centimetre pacu – […]

Fracking Hell

The whole of the country must “get behind fracking”, which ought to get “real public support” once its benefits are explained, David Cameron has said. Writing in the Daily Telegraph, he said he wanted all of the UK to benefit from shale gas drilling – “north or south”. The prime minister moved to allay concerns […]