Hacked RIGHT Off

By DeusExMacintosh

This Sunday’s issue of the News of the World will be the last edition of the paper, News International chairman James Murdoch has said.

In the past few days, claims have been made that the paper authorised hacking into the mobile phones of murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler and the families of 7/7 bombing victims.

Mr Murdoch said proceeds from the last edition would go to good causes.

Downing Street said it had no role or involvement in the decision.

In a statement made to staff, Mr Murdoch said the good things the News of the World does “have been sullied by behaviour that was wrong – indeed, if recent allegations are true, it was inhuman and has no place in our company”.

“The News of the World is in the business of holding others to account. But it failed when it came to itself.”

BBC News

I’m with the man from the Staggers. Full judicial enquiry, please. Sooner rather than later.

21 Comments

  1. Posted July 8, 2011 at 6:45 am | Permalink

    A cynical liar named James
    Fires the poor suckers he blames;
    I hope all the hacks
    Mr Murdoch now sacks
    Blow the whistle & start naming names.

    [Sorry, couldn’t resist].

  2. Posted July 8, 2011 at 7:49 am | Permalink

    “We’re the victims”, cry News’s sacked roll,
    “Discipline shouldn’t fall on the whole,
    “It’s just so unfair,
    “It’s like NewsCorp don’t care
    “Now we all have to live on the dole”

  3. Posted July 8, 2011 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    SL: Niiiice.
    Hmmm. I wonder if any of the hacks have emails from on high, about lots of things not just hacking, that might make it through wikileaks.

    And I reckon closing it is part forced for commercial reasons as advertisers flee, partly to try and say they’ve cleaned their acts in their dual campaigns for BSkyB and destruction of nationalized broadcasters.

    As to the cleanup, if Rupert was serious, there’d have been a full investigation in-house years ago, the continued hacks wouldn’t have happened, and Limited News Corp would handing over the big fat dossier of their internal investigation to relevant authorities. (It can’t be redacted on national security grounds, although, maybe if Rupert is exerting undue influence…)

  4. Posted July 8, 2011 at 8:51 am | Permalink

    I know, a limerick competition 🙂

    This whole business is so farcical it’s worthy of limericks, or perhaps even clerihews…

  5. Posted July 8, 2011 at 9:09 am | Permalink

    At the red-tops, your choices are thorny.
    Take your pick: write it morbid or porney.
    Most of the time,
    It’s violent crime,
    But draw the short straw, and: hack Warney.

  6. Mel
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    Thanks for the laughs, guys.

  7. Posted July 8, 2011 at 11:58 am | Permalink

    There once was a lady named Brooks,
    Who turned a whole newsroom to crooks.
    “I can’t be held to pay,
    It was while I’ze away!”
    (Lucky she’s still in Rupert’s good books).

  8. Posted July 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    Rupert’s a bit of a napper,
    Letting News Corp be run by that Slapper.
    Jamie could come to harm – but he’s playing it calm…
    Today’s scandal’s tomorrow’s chip wrapper.

  9. Posted July 8, 2011 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Extra! Extra! What a cracker,
    News Corp. bribed Inspector Knacker.
    Then (they’re not right in the head)
    They hired dicks to hack the dead!

  10. Posted July 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

    Great work above, thanks for the laughs.
    I do hope the disgruntled unemployed NI innocent, publish everything they know.
    My morning was gripped by the Timeline put together by 3 Guardian journalists. The PCC was inept twice, Scotland Yard behaved to a Doyley Carte script, and a Director Of Communications was hired for the UK PM, despite having had to resign from his previous position, and who continually claims “I knew nothing”
    Ya couldn make it up.

    I noticed, buried in all this news that Murdoch owns Tesco, Asda and Pampers … Pampers!

  11. Posted July 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    If it’s true, they’re yet another Murdoch possession that’s full of…

  12. Chris Bond
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

    Great work all, I won’t even attempt to better any of them… but in my ignorance I had to look up “Clerihew” and found at the bottom of the Wiki page one that just made me chuckle and I hope does the same for you:

    Quote:
    In 1983, Games Magazine ran a contest titled “Do You Clerihew?” The winning entry was:
    Did Descartes
    Depart
    With the thought
    “Therefore I’m not”?

  13. Posted July 8, 2011 at 5:06 pm | Permalink

    Rupert’s Stable:

    Never original,
    Ever orgy ‘n’ all.
    Even a plebeian
    Knows it’s Augean.

  14. kvd
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

    Now News of the World’s in the gutter
    Leaves no other option but shut ‘er
    A determined ac-cent
    On all things sick, bent
    Means I’m ever so sorry; mutter, mutter

  15. FDB
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    Their business is lyin’ and sleazin’
    While celebrities are open season
    Many omelets, few eggs
    Make for eggshells and dregs
    They call these guys hacks for a reason

  16. Posted July 8, 2011 at 8:15 pm | Permalink

    Wittiest thread… EVAH!

  17. Posted July 8, 2011 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    News Corp is undone
    For chasing tasteless facts.
    This causes far less damage
    Than when he grinds his axe,
    To twist the politician’s nuts,
    Shows them who’s boss – No ifs, no buts,
    Still, BSkyB’s now out of reach,
    In pommy-land payback’s a bitch,
    But will yanks say “Enough’s enough,
    We’re tired of this so just Fox Off!”?

  18. kvd
    Posted July 9, 2011 at 5:03 am | Permalink

    Oh, no – you’ve blown the float
    And I could really scream
    NOW’s the sacrificial goat
    but BSkyB’s a dream.

    (Rupert’s really ducked up this time)

  19. Posted July 9, 2011 at 11:46 am | Permalink

    Rupert caught with his pants down engaging in obscene practices? The editors of the Oz up in court?

    Sounds vaguely familiar (http://home.wlv.ac.uk/~fa1871/rupage.html), although I can’t see todays editors being treated like Richard Neville et al…. Even though what Murdoch’s troops have done is more obscene, the publication of tabloid junk much more damaging to society than hippie highkinks ever could be.

    Have their been any “Rupert with his pants down” allusions in the UK?

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