How do you roll?

By skepticlawyer

We’ve been dealing with some heavy issues of late, so I now feel that admins and commenters on this blog are in a position to comment on the heaviest issue of all: how do you roll? And, as a corollary, what sort of loo roll family was yours? Did one person always replace the loo roll, and complain? Or was the duty undertaken stoically, without complaint? Were there widely divergent views on quality and price of said loo roll? One of my closest friends, for example, has the view that using recycled loo roll is like ‘wiping your backside with wood chip’, which is both eye-wateringly funny and too much information.

It is, I feel, a matter of some significance that we get the rolling issue sorted. Tony Abbott’s dick togs, David Cameron’s botox, Julia Gillard’s fondness for red hair dye, Boris Johnson’s talent for still being wildly popular despite being caught in a zip line while being gawped at by amused Londoners… all must cede ground to the most important issue of all.

[UPDATE: I forgot another question of vital importance – fold or scrunch? Thanks to commenters for the reminder.]

15 Comments

  1. Moz
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm | Permalink

    The song for this is unfortunately not on youtube as far as I can tell. But Mal Webb’s “Bog Reel” deals with the issue in depth.

    http://malwebb.customer.netspace.net.au/bogreel.html

    I vaguely recall that (at least in public toilets) under increases usage relative to over. But interpersonal variation is significantly larger than the variation due to direction. My experience was sharing a bathroom with someone who used approximately one roll a day. Suffice to say that I’m at the other extreme.

  2. Movius
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

    I am pro-skub

  3. Mel
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:40 pm | Permalink

    It seriously sucks when you run out of toilet paper and try to make do with the cardboard tube. Or is that just me 🙂

  4. TerjeP
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm | Permalink

    Do you fold or scrunch?

  5. Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm | Permalink

    I was brought up in a conservative over rolling family, but after being initially squicked by the concept of under rolling, I now accept those who embrace alternative toilet roll orientation lifestyles.

    The follow up question also needs to be asked: fold or scrunch?

  6. Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    I declare that the anti-discrimination act must include a paragraph demanding protection for those who roll the wrong way.

  7. Posted August 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm | Permalink

    Like desipis, I was raised in a family of overrollers, but now seem to have reverted (at least some of the time) to placing the loo roll on a convenient ledge nearby…

    Definitely a scruncher.

  8. Posted August 10, 2012 at 3:00 am | Permalink

    Movius, in order to demonstrate my devastating lack of geekiness, I hereby disclose that I had to google ‘pro-skub’ in order to get the joke.

    Such is life.

  9. kvd
    Posted August 10, 2012 at 3:02 am | Permalink

    I dream of someday finding a subject not already exhaustively dealt with by Wikipedia 😉

  10. Posted August 10, 2012 at 7:29 am | Permalink

    Well if we’re going to go geek, we’ll have to ask if people know how to use the three seashells…

  11. rossco
    Posted August 10, 2012 at 9:28 am | Permalink

    When I was young (now 66) we had to make do with squares of newspaper stuck on a nail in the outdoor loo – this was in Melbourne, not out in the sticks. So I regard any sort of loo paper, used any way and in any quantity as luxury to be enjoyed. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the good old days.

  12. LJS
    Posted August 10, 2012 at 11:12 am | Permalink

    Over the top, but only mildly militant about it 🙂

    Apparently many people find recycled paper TP a bit scratchy (just keep at it, you’ll toughen up), but I find the wipe-your-bum-with-puppies softness/fragility of the pricey stuff counts against it: it’s always tearing at inopportune moments, complicating matters more than it should.

    That said I’m a bit surprised about how precious some people get about what they wipe their arse with. A bit of proper bushwalking soon sorts that out – TP (sorry Mel no tube, took that out to increase packability), bits of the map you don’t need anymore (GPS is no help there), grass/leaves (careful, sometimes bits get left behind, make sure it doesn’t have spikes or serrated edges), rocks, balls of snow, it all works. Apparently trickled water and your fingers is very hygenic, but I’ve not tried that yet.

    I wonder if anyone remembers the one sheet technique?

  13. Posted August 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

    Now superceded by technological advances, is the #1 rule on changing cash register rolls:
    All rolls feed from the bottom, be they eftpos rolls, till rolls, dunny rolls, paper hand towels, whatever.

  14. Posted August 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

    [email protected]: I feel your pain. Newspaper is a close cousin to emery paper, as anyone who’s tried to use it for that purpose will attest.

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